Here are two edited excerpts from the
Spelean Humor Chapter:
"…As we're looking around I happen to find a hole in the ground… Much
to my surprise there's a beagle at the bottom of the hole … with eyes big as
saucers and whimpering to break your heart. … I figure he just fell in the
hole. Done the same thing once or twice myself, as a matter of fact. So I climb
down into the pit and although it has dirt walls and an unpleasant dog odor, it
bells out nicely into a small room. The dog now smells freedom for the first
time in who knows how long and starts bouncing around the bottom of the pit like
a cross-eyed kangaroo. The room is small and the situation could turn dangerous
so I take up a defensive position … and crouch down to wait until the beagle's
momentum carries him within striking distance. He's moving left and he's moving
right in a fit of excited frog hopping, as if my arrival needs to be properly
celebrated before we can do anything else. When he gets within range, I grab him
around the belly and take two greedy swipes of dog slobber right across the
face. He's wiggling in my arms like a fish on a riverbank, but I have him in a
hammer lock hold that I picked up from a professional wrestler in an airport
cocktail lounge, and he's not getting away…"
"…The dive shop was quiet and
devoid of customers when I walked in. …I eyeballed a rack of thick neoprene
wetsuits until a salesman approached me. I told him what I was looking for, a
3/8 inch full-body suit with no zipper, and he looked me up and down and
casually drawled, "You'll need an EXTRA-LARGE."
"EXTRA-LARGE?!!", my mind squawked self-righteously, "He has to
be kidding!" I'm an average sized woman, not anywhere near fat and have
always worn a medium size. I even fit into a size six if the garment is
expensive enough! But, instead of debating with the salesman's pronouncement, I
calmly pulled a medium off the rack; he didn't say a word as I took it to the
As you can see, these two excerpts and
the remaining 356 articles that covers 411 caves (authored by 238 writers and
stuffed into 544 pages), the 1999 Speleo Digest should be on every cavers list
of things he or she must read in the first year of the millennium.
Supplies are limited, so order your copy today from the NSS
Bookstore, 2813 Cave Ave, Huntsville, AL 35810.
Phone (256) 852-1300.